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“and hansome boys fall in love with you”

October 29, 2008

So, the drag show was fun. They always are, but i think we’ve been a bit out of sorts as a group recently and we are beginning to come back together. It’s nice.

Per usual, we all checked out of the hotel in various states of hung over and/or sleep deprived and headed to breakfast. It’s a highlight of out-of-town shows: ten rowdy lesbians invade some poor unsuspecting IHOP (the cute gay waiter was a bonus for this time).

In the midst of conversation about god-only-knows, Miss turned to me. “Wait, Brett, are you the girl?”

Jamie’s expression was priceless.

Sure, we're not exactly Cinderella and G.I. Joe...

Miss followed up, seeing our confusion, with, “I mean, i know, the skirts and all, but i always thought you were androgynous in relationships.”

Which, to me, changes the comment to something entirely more in-depth than some lesbian version of the straight-guy “but who’s the man?” There is the implication that skirts are unrelated to gender, which, actually, i really like. It makes me a little uncomfortable also, because skirts are something of a big way that i feel like i have claimed my femininity.

Then there is “in relationships.” Is my gender different inside versus outside of relationships? Actually, kind of. Not different, but romantic relationships do bring out my femininity. I wonder if it wasn’t a version of the boy=top, girl=bottom thing that people are stuck on. Even so, i wouldn’t have thought that i throw anyone off on that count.

Oh well. Mostly it was just funny. Come to think of it, i think the catalyst for the comment was my apology to Jamie that i had gotten some pink glittery chapstick in my nice plain chapstick i was lending her.

Lady Brett
“Only To Other People” – The Detroit Cobras

5 Comments leave one →
  1. November 1, 2008 2:59 pm

    People sure are stupid!



  2. November 2, 2008 1:36 pm

    Actually, I’d love to know what that person meant by being “androgynous” in relationships. In any case, I agree with Butch Boo, some butch-femme 101 is needed here. I would never describe myself as “the girl” in my relationship with my partner!

    xo Sf

    PS Men’s skirts are a big trend for Spring 09!

  3. grrlchef13 permalink
    November 5, 2008 12:45 am

    So that’s kinda funny and silly at the same time. Here’s two thoughts I have had lately after seperate conversations with two women in my life. Do you have to be exclusively top OR bottom….what about being in the middle with tendencies towards one or the other? The second thought is, there’s lots of tomboys gone gay and no one thinks twice about it…what about 1. Tomboys who remain straight 2. Tomboys who dont stay tomboys…why does the mainstream still require “box seating” for gender presentation? Why is it any of their business either? (your comments in Butch2Femme over in SF land jogged my memory)

  4. November 7, 2008 10:54 pm

    I’m not quite sure how one person is *the* girl in a relationship with two women (because many Butch lesbians I know identify as women)…but at least she didn’t assume that skirt = Femme.

  5. November 10, 2008 1:37 pm

    in her defense, the “the girl” comment is totally innocuous to me. we joke that way about butch and femme pretty regularly. the part of the comment that surprised me was that i thought it was kind of blatantly obvious who was “the girl”

    i’m still not sure if jamie’s look was surprise on it not being obvious or offense that maybe she was taken to be “the girl” ;)

    and i totally dig the men in skirts

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