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“i won’t promise you forever, but i’ll treat you right”

October 24, 2008

“…i don’t know what you’ve done to me.”
“I’m domesticating you.”
“Ah, right. Because i used to be feral?”

It’s true, you know. Well, maybe i wasn’t feral.

And it kind of freaks me out. Don’t mistake that for me minding. It’s simply something i’m unused to. I mean, me and Jake were serious (long-termish, love, living together, all that jazz), but it was of a different sort. Undeliberate.

We had just graduated, and i had decided against grad school and had no job prospects, no plans, no money. I wouldn’t be stuck living at my folks, and i certainly wasn’t going to put up with a long distance relationship any longer. She was in a similar, if slightly less directionless, situation. So she came to visit, and when she left, i tossed some of my stuff in her car and went with her. That’s how planned our relationship always was.

Jake used to joke that we were married. I didn’t. Partly due to plain, simple commitment-phobia. But, also, i didn’t feel married; i always felt that our relationship was kind of “in the moment.” I could kind of see us being together forever because it was hard to imagine us breaking up, but not because we had made any promise to make things work.

This relationship is different. For one thing – maybe the biggest thing – we’re not college kids. We’re both real people with real jobs and real places of our own(ish). Which, even if we aren’t settled down, is some type of settled to begin with. It means that we talk about moving in together. Because there are logistics that we’d have to work out.

Jamie is different. I’ve never dated a romantic before. It’s actually a bit confusing. This past weekend marked six months for us. She gave me a silver chain to replace the fraying cord of my “shift” pendant. So. Um. First thing first, it made me into complete jelly. Happy jelly. I don’t think i cried, but it’s possible. See, to her advantage, i’m totally new to this. I’ve never been given jewelery before (she was mildly astonished), and it took me completely by surprise and was all overwhelming and stuff (also, the chain is perfect).

Then there are the other parts, which have always been the prevalent ones before. The one that rolls its eyes and says, “Sentimentalist crap!” The one that is (still) terrified of this love thing, and maybe even more afraid that i’m not terrified when she talks about families and futures. That’s kind of the same one who’s looking around going, “…i don’t know what you’ve done to me.”

Oh, domesticated me. Right.

Lady Brett
“Treat You Right” – Tracy Rice

6 Comments leave one →
  1. October 25, 2008 2:47 pm

    Hey sunshine…I <3 your blog! See:

  2. October 26, 2008 1:06 pm

    Congrats on your 6 mo. anniversary! You 2 sound like a great couple, as I’ve said before.

    One small point, if I may. Love, romance and commitment do not necessarily equal “domestication.” This is a particularly vivid cliche for lesbians but it’s certainly not unique to us. In the end, it’s up to couples to define what love and commitment means in the context of their own relationships.

    You’ll never be domesticated to me! ;-)


  3. October 28, 2008 9:49 am

    yay, thanks em!

    sf – aww, haha. and you’re right, of course.

    for arguments’ sake, i do think i’ve been domesticated, but more literally than the love and commitment sort that i implied. it’s simply because i used to party quite a bit, and now most evenings i would rather cuddle at home on the sofa.

  4. October 28, 2008 7:03 pm

    Cuddling on the sofa? It’s official; you’re a lesbian!

    Now I want to know all about your undomestic past. Perhaps a tell-all is in order: The Wild Life of Lady Brett Ashley, Party Girl.


  5. November 3, 2008 3:17 pm

    my dear, there’s a whole book about it! ;)

  6. November 3, 2008 7:26 pm

    How exciting! Perhaps we need to redirect the focus of our collaborative project ;-)

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