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“if we were older, then we wouldn’t have to wait so long”

September 26, 2008

This is hard, this dating thing. It’s funny, though, because everyone knows that dating is hard. It’s always been hard, it’s hard for everyone, right? That’s why people joke about the “honeymoon” (read: you’re very cute, but you just wait till reality hits). I had been given to understand that “hard” meant that relationships are (emotionally) difficult. I do not mean this. By hard, i mean logistics.

I mean that we live in different places with different pets and different people and different work schedules. It has suddenly become difficult to simply keep life running, because at least half the time we have to choose between spending time together or doing chores. I’ll give you one guess how that ends. Being single was easy: work all day, party the weekend, go out with friends once or twice during the week, and my apartment still stayed clean – i even had time left over to be bored. Living with Jake was easy because two people have almost the same amount of housework as one. But living apart means that we are – logistically – primarily a time drain on each other.

I don’t know how people with serious commitments (say, children) do it. And i think it’s kind of sick that most people simply have to. Caveat: i am lazy. Or, i need downtime – i don’t mind if my downtime includes hard work, but i have a low burnout threshold.

We said this out loud. To each other. And that is the part of this relationship that simply keeps blowing my mind, and makes me think everything will work out fine.

She said, also, that maybe someday we’ll live together. Maybe she’ll make more money. Maybe i can work part time and be her housewife. The idea makes me smile. In fact, it makes me a little bit melty inside. I might feel differently were it under real consideration, but in this context it seems idyllic. I even said it, “i’d like that.”

For the moment i’m still in love with my little apartment. This is primarily accounted for by the word “my,” seconded by “little.”

Lady Brett
“Wouldn’t It Be Nice” – The Beach Boys

One Comment leave one →
  1. September 30, 2008 7:11 am

    I’ve been finding myself in that situation. I have a cat. She has a dog. Our work schedules are off. Everything would be a million times easier, if only we lived together. And we have talked about that, in a year. And I know she’d love for me to be a house wife, and she knows I deeply desire that, so perhaps it will work out. And I hope it works out for you too.

    What I’d love to know is how to you manage to communicate around this. How do you find time to meet your needs and Jake’s? Do you both initiate it or is it usually one person? I’m awful at saying I need space/time. And is there any resentment felt (or expressed) if you spent more time at one persons place or the other? This has been very difficult for us to navigate.

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