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“i was gonna thank you for nothing but i forgot your name”

September 17, 2008

I’m mad. Which isn’t my bent. At someone i basically don’t know. Which is more strange (or maybe less). It took a while – i resisted fairly strongly – but i’m mad at my girlfriend’s ex. (I’m way oversimplifying – the details are hardly even my business.) I resisted it because, basically, the past is the past, and i’m not inclined to butt into what’s not really my business. But the past isn’t ever really the past, because we are the product of our experiences (thanks, Belle). I don’t think i’m mad at her for being mean; i am mad at her for being irresponsible.

Because you don’t fucking tell lies to people who are in the vulnerable position of believing you. It’s one of the responsibilities that comes with a relationship. That’s what i want to yell.

What i really mean is a little different. Because, while some of the lies were lies, the ones that hurt the most are the ones that are different truths. Some things are a matter of fact, but lots of things (the most vulnerable things) are a matter of perspective. You have to be careful what you do with your truths; they are not everyone’s truths. And the lie is not speaking your truth; the lie is making it up to look like everyone’s truth. The former may be mean, but the latter is irresponsible. But, also,

You don’t fucking tell lies to people who are in the vulnerable position of believing you! It’s one of the responsibilities that comes with a relationship!

Lady Brett
“Yippee-I-A” – Maggi, Pierce and E.J.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. beingbelle permalink
    September 17, 2008 3:22 pm

    I love that you are mad and you are vocalizing that, I think true anger is the hardest feeling to have for some people. You never need a valid or rational reason to feel anger. You don’t even need to knwo who at or why. You dont’ need to be close to them or have had them wrong you. Anger just exists and happens. (I think as ladies, we are taught never to express anger). It’s just something that happens to us. And I think that expressing that is free you and opening that up for talking.

    But I agree. You have to be very careful with lies, truths, omissions, half truths, versions. It’s all a tricky business. I’m the master of lieing by omissions and half truths. We just have to check ourselves. I hope that you can work this out. I’m so sorry.

  2. saintchick permalink
    September 17, 2008 8:25 pm

    I can completely understand where you are coming from. I am amazed at how people can say things that are not even close to being the truth, to someone they know will believe them fully and react to it. This is a little sore subject for me,since I am currently going thru it. It sucks!

  3. September 18, 2008 3:50 pm

    I’m sorry you’re hurt. I completely agree with Belle. I remember a very, very difficult time when I felt much as I imagine you do. Do you know Harriet Lerner’s books? I want to recommend 2 of them to you, The Dance of Communication and The Dance of Deception. I have read and reread the former a lot in moments like this. Hang in there! Much love xoxo Sf

    PS I’m going to put a little something up on my blog to cheer you up.

  4. September 19, 2008 9:02 am

    thanks y’all =)
    belle – you’re absolutely right, anger is by far the hardest feeling for me. i’ll have to think on what you’ve said about it, because it makes me balk to even think of anger as okay.
    sf – hmm, thanks for the recommendations…library time!

  5. September 19, 2008 9:29 am

    Harriet Lerner’s classic is The Dance of Anger. That one was my personal bible for a LONG time. The titles of Lerner’s books are kinda cheesy but she’s a very well-respected feminist psychotherapist.

    Glad you liked my little present ;-)

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