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“but when i get home to you”

August 8, 2008

Regarding this housewifey feminism stuff, i had a rather disturbing/clarifying vision into my motives and concerns. I like the subservience idea underlying the housewife stereotype. That is, personally. There are, i’m sure, a dozen other ways to view it, but the idea of “hi honey, i made dinner/cleaned up/whatever for you” really appeals to me. The problem here is that i hate it, intellectually. It goes against my whole worldview, which says that the idea that housewifery is inferior/lesser/subservient to breadwinnery (…?…) is a lot of misplaced priority crap. If you want, you can just as easily say the same thing of the other side of the equation (“hi honey, i made this money for you“), but i keep running into the same mental barrier with this femininity thing. That barrier is that it doesn’t matter how much thought i give it, or how well i can explain myself, i will always have a slight feeling that anything which conforms to people’s expectations of me (as a girl) is reinforcing this negative view of femininity. Like people can now point at me and say, “see! Women like to be subservient/wear skirts/blahblah. It’s only natural.” And in this way i feel like i am making it harder for the women who are breaking out of these stereotypes, who i uniformly respect and admire, and some of whom i especially love (and lust after).

Lady Brett
“A Hard Day’s Night” – The Beatles (*sigh* my girl works nights; suddenly, sappily makes this song sound a little different.)

One Comment leave one →
  1. Tori permalink
    August 11, 2008 8:20 pm

    hey. first-time commenter, but i’ve been reading your stuff for awhile. i’m struggling with a lot of the same things you’re thinking about in terms of femme identity.

    even if my femme identity is a choice, and the way i represent myself is a choice that i’ve come to after a long time, there are still people out there who would perceive that choice as something that fits into their patriarchal vision of the world. so if i choose to be housewifey, i can know that it’s all on purpose, and feel subversive about it, but doesn’t the existence of any woman happy with that model make it easier for assholes to use it against us?

    i also hang out with straight people, and i go to straight bars sometimes, so i feel like i’m coming up against these issues pretty often, and i can’t just hide away in a little happy queer femme bubble.

    anyway, i completely identify with this dilemma.

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