“we are wanna be feminist housewives”
I’ve been worrying recently about things it has never occurred to me to worry about before.
Let me disclaim my statements off the bat: if someone else were to say this about a third party, i would bristle. Moreover, i could probably argue them down; i think i have good logical basis to think most of this is crap. So, this train of thought (applied to others) is inherently unsettling to me, and i don’t think it holds up…what’s the problem? Well, apparently it’s pretty deeply ingrained because here it is in my head and i didn’t even know about it ’till now.
Maybe i’m a bad feminist. I’ve never identified strongly as a feminist, but i have always thought i am one, peripherally. In that, “what’s gender got to do with anything?” way. How could i not? I was, after all, a little boy for most of my life, and i never felt that conflicted with the fact that i’m female.
But i’m not a boy anymore, and i’m worried, essentially, that being a girl makes me unfeminist, not progressive…something. I’m worried because part of me seriously dreams of being a housewife. And because i want to wear skirts every day, so i’m sewing some new ones (but, seriously, in this weather i don’t know why everyone doesn’t wear skirts). And, and, and , gah, it doesn’t even make sense when i write it, but i can’t get it out of my head.
It’s like my big safe theory bubble is crumbling in under the weight of “i don’t know what i’m doing!” Okay, that’s a bit melodramatic, i think maybe the roof is just leaking a little (’cause it just turned from a bubble to a house, that’s why). But i guess that points to the real issues here. One being that, as much as i really, mostly love my femmeness, it’s really new to me, and i don’t know what i’m doing at all (i’d like to write more about both of those things sometime). The other is that i feel like i’m becoming…normal. I’ve been sort of inherently, accidentally (well, at times very purposefully) subversive my whole life. I feel like i’m losing that; like i’m assimilating, and even though i genuinely like where/who i am, i can’t shake the feeling that i’ve given in or given up.
I meant to write something coherent, but clearly i’m not quite there yet. Maybe next time.
“Feminist Housewives” – Bitch and Animal