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“colored lights and mirrored walls”

April 22, 2008

This is the fact file of my weekend. The thoughts and emotion and processing will mostly have to wait. I’m trying to process this stuff and display it accurately – it plays right into a few things i’ve type(writere)d up but not computerized yet.

My weekend was full of girls.

Some dressed as boys. The Friday show was pretty good, but the venue wasn’t really right for us and we were one king short, which threw our interactions off – more than we expected i think. That really made it clear that we are a troupe, not just a bunch of performers, which i think is really cool. And i danced after the show. I danced with a woman in a wheelchair. Took a little getting used to, but it was tons of fun; i had no idea wheelchairs were so maneuverable.

We all headed to the dyke bar after, where we (that is, the troupe and some of our friends who were at the show) were damn near the only people – cause that’s how it is on Friday nights. I’d had enough to drink that, while most of it is very clear, i simply can’t remember a few key parts of the night. Like why Jamie and I were standing in the bathroom talking. Or how exactly we ended up kissing. Actually, that moment is usually hard for me to pin down; i don’t think it was the alcohol. (Interestingly, the one instance i remember most specifically was the goodnight kiss with grey-sweater-girl, which is possibly the only time i’ve initiated it. I wonder if that’s connected, or simply a fluke.) I do remember i was leaning against the sink counter. And when i hopped up to sit on it with her standing in front of me, so sexy. I totally got caught, too – Boss and then someone else. We were up ’till sixish, she said – i didn’t think to check.

Saturday afternoon Erin called to apologize/explain why no one had heard from her in a month or so, excepting a message and some texts my way. She’s not doing well, but she is on the better side of it now. She, basically, was doing too much and it caught up to her in a bad way, so she’s now trying to get back into things, but more carefully, with prioritizing. It was good to talk to her, though, and hopefully we’ll get to hang out sometime soon. (aside: she is one of those few people i can talk to on the phone – as in, have a long, real conversation – without being all freaked out or sounding like an idiot.)

And then Saturday night came and we did it again! Well, not all of it, the drag part. I can now get all dragged out in only a mite over an hour! The show was good – better – and fun. But we were all dead tired, and, well, anything that’s sore after one show is god-damn uncomfortable to do again. (Though it might sound like a better idea – after all, it’s made to go on skin, or maybe just ’cause you ran out of the duct tape – don’t put athletic tape on your breasts!)

But no, that’s not all. My friends are crazy, and instead of letting me go to bed they decided we should go out to one of the after-hours clubs after the show. Then they decided it should be the strip club. I’ve never been to one before. It was fun, in that (other than actually almost falling asleep…well, we stayed ’till 5!) i always have fun with my friends. As for the naked women part? It really wasn’t very interesting. I mean, i totally respect the talent involved – i’m in total awe of the pole tricks – but it does nothin’ for me. Not a damn bit. The funny thing is that i was kind of embarrassed, but not by the nudity or sexuality. I was embarrassed that it didn’t turn me on at all…i felt like that was kind of rude.

I got an email from grey-sweater-girl, who i’ve been lightly flirting with since that show, that she has a girlfriend. It was an on-and-off sort of thing; they were off when we met, and now they’re back on. She was very apologetic, felt bad about it. I certainly don’t mind, but i’m glad she told me – what with the long-distance thing i wasn’t expecting it to go anywhere anyhow, but i was having a lot of fun flirting. If anything, it simplifies things. Soon after we hashed that out okay, she said that she finally found my myspace page and friended me. Her page is full of stuff about her girl – i think i know why it took her so long to find my page (and, really, i think that’s really cute).

Lady Brett
“House of Dolls” – Delta Moon

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