“If i could believe that stuff i’d say that woman has a halo”
The Land of the Sun and the Moon.
I might have exploded with joy had i not been so exhausted.
I went to the mountains this weekend. The epic title was me being silly, but it feels quite right; i feel like i was in some sort of a fable, or in some way no longer in the real world. We were in the middle of fucking nowhere, up in the mountains, over a few miles of pitted dirt roads – the kind where the passengers sometimes have to get out and walk so that the vehicle won’t get stuck in the mud. (We being my ‘kids,’ etc.) We helped clean and clear a part of the land in preparation for (re)building on it. It was amazing. The whole place was amazing – it would have been a great place to just sit all day, or hike around, which we did a small bit of. We worked. I love manual labor. I spent most of the day carrying logs, or rolling logs that were too big to carry. I hurt myself – not injured myself, but by the end of the day i didn’t have a muscle that didn’t hurt. I have a theory on this kind of work (and, well, on most things) that involves throwing myself in with everything i’ve got. Now, if i were doing this sort of rough work for a living – a girl can dream, right? – i would be practical about it, pace myself and all that jazz, but if it’s only one day it really doesn’t matter if you beat yourself up; you don’t have to be able to do it again. You can make up for a whole lot (for me, lack of strength) with enthusiasm and reckless abandon. It’s odd, but there really are few better feelings than having worked so hard that i can’t really function anymore.
As much as i do love all of these other things, i have realized recently that my entire life and happiness and well-being revolves around people. Not any one person, or just my close friends, but people in general; everyone i like. And the people i was around this weekend made it sparkle. The land we were at is owned by Sun and Moon. Sun is the woman i spent a weekend with about six months back with Ray, and who i am absolutely enamored of. Her partner, Moon, i met a month or so ago, and immediately felt much the same towards her, though they are very different. I want them to take me in; adopt me, as if i weren’t in my mid-twenties and didn’t already have the best parents ever. Or something. Perhaps something less hyperbolic. Oh, and everyone else, some of whom i know fairly well, some of whom i met there, and all of whom were wonderful.
End result? I washed my hands three times and couldn’t quite get all the dirt off of – or was it out of? – my fingers. My entire upper body hurt. I could have gone to sleep at 5 or 6, when we got back from working. But we made dinner, and had a campfire, and were (somehow) up ’till 11ish. What i mean is, i didn’t stop smiling for a day and a half. I caught myself – i realized that i was still smiling when i was jolted from being very-nearly-asleep as we were heading from the work site to our bunkhouse.
So, when can i go back?
Possibly i should wait for whatever the hell i did to my back to fix up.
“Cool As I Am” – Dar Williams