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“i don’t want a man that fuss and fights”

March 4, 2008

I discovered this weekend that i am protective. You might think that this is the sort of thing one would already know by 24. But no. I mean, yes, i have always known that i get upset if someone insults my friends, where i wouldn’t give a shit if it were directed at me. However, i’m also a pacifist and a big wimp, and i’m genuinely unsure if i would really defend myself if i needed to. Plus, i generally assume people i know can take care of themselves (probably quite a bit better than i could), and my tendency is towards mitigation and avoidance.

Friday i did my Friday thing with all the high school kids. We watched “For the Bible Tells Me So,” which is an interesting film about (largely fundamentalist) Christian families accepting (to a lesser or greater extent) their children’s homosexuality. Afterwards, the kids were completely failing to actually leave – they made it out to the parking lot, but they (we) were all standing around talking. Down the street comes a group of about six thugly, and clearly some kind of fucked up, men. And we (the three “adults”) can’t get all of the kids to realize that we are fucking serious this time about them needing to go home now. Nothing actually went down; one of the guys came over to ask us for money and they moved on. I was mostly assuming that would be the case, but, for one thing, i (and the other adult who was nerby) stepped up between the kids and these guys without even thinking. Moreover, i know i’d have actually gotten in a fight if anything had gone down. Which kind of blows my mind.

Then there was Saturday. On our way to the show we stopped at a gas station and Miss went in to get cigarettes. She was dressed up, and it looked a bit sketchy, so i was just about to go in with her, but she was also the only one in the car not in drag, and going into scetchy public places in drag has caused some trouble (though nothing really serious) in the past. Well, again, nothing happened, but she was really shaken up by the way some of the jackasses inside were acting. It made me sick that i didn’t go in with her. This time it was certainly partly because i was in character, but i felt much the same as i did Friday.

Lady Brett
“Mama He Treats Your Daughter Mean” – Susan Tedeschi

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