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“i hope you sing just as good as you look”

February 18, 2008

Not having a car means i often walk places and then get rides home. Perhaps most often is my weekly kid thing (that is, youth thing, but i just hate the word “youth”). Anyhow, there are also a few other “adults” (apparently i’m one of those now). Two weeks back me and my friend Jamie went to get dinner afterwards, and she gave me a ride home. Last week i already mentioned – went to get dinner with Erin.

Well, last week i ran into one of the kids around town. We were chatting and he’s like “soo, you left with Erin last week.” It’s a statement as well as a question.

“Yeah,” i choose to ignore the question.

“Sooo?”

“So, we got some food.”

Mmhmm. And when did you get home?” Cocky fuckin’ gay boy. I mean, really, i’m getting this from a 17-year-old!

“Um, after dinner.” I’m being a bit curt. And fail to mention that we sat around talking for three or four hours. But what i’m trying to convey is the truth – that nothing of the sort he’s fishing for happened. Perhaps, also, that it’s not his business if it did happen.

He’s disappointed by my reticence, and throws out, “Hey, she’s cute.”

I laugh, “yeah she is,” but i’m playing smartass, and try to make it sound like a “so what?”

Well apparently Jamie got a similar rundown from one of the kids before. The “soo, what did you and Brett do?” (“got dinner”) “Aaaand?” (“um, gave her a ride home.”) “mmhhmm.” Yeah, that conversation. Apparently the kids think i’m a player. Jamie joked that, since she’s only there every other week, i could just alternate weekends between her and Erin. If only!

But (not wanting to actually be like my nomme-sake) i don’t want to make a mess. Which sucks ’cause it means i can’t just do whatever i want. *Sigh.* It’s just a shame not being able to be a total hedonist. I wanted to flirt back when we were hanging out last night (and, well, i kind of did, but i’m trying to be good). Because Jamie’s fuckin’ cool, i like her, and she likes me (i’m making progress on this awareness thing), and she’s beautiful in that very feminine butch way. But i’m distracted. And i won’t be one of those bitches. There’s that other girl who i like maybe the same “amount.” Except her smile gives me little butterflies.

One way or another, i’ve made some cool new friends, and that i don’t intend to screw up or second-guess. I suppose one never intends to screw things up ;) But, hey, right now, life is good.

Lady Brett
“Wintertime Blues” – John Hiatt

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