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“you flick my Bic”

February 11, 2008

Confusing myself. Over a girl, of course. Let’s call her Erin; this woman i met last week – the week of crazy coincidences. I’m not even quite sure what to say, so this may be a bit disjointed. For lack of knowing where to start, i’ll go with simple exposition first:

We’ve talked on the phone a lot last week (daily?). That itself is a bit strange to me, not in a bad way, but just unusual because i’m not much of a phone person. That is, i talk on the phone either to talk to people in, say, other states (i.e. as a last resort) or in very brief (to make arrangements for hanging out, or a “hey, i want to tell you this before i forget”).

We hung out a bit Friday. Actually, that’s not true. We were both at this little event Friday evening (playing “the adults” and goofing around with a bunch of teenagers – which is unrelated to the story, but it was great). Afterwards, we went to grab some dinner, and considered going out somewhere, but we both decided we weren’t really up for it. So she gave me a ride home…and we sat around talking ’till 1 in the morning.

Saturday, for the record, was fantastic – busy as shit, but really really good. Among my obligations for the day was (essentially, if not exactly) going out to the club with my posse, to help with a show. The band playing was really awesome, though i hadn’t heard of them except, within the last week, through Erin, who fucking loves them. So she was there (as were most of the lesbians in town, it seemed). When the show was over, she and her friend invited me out to another bar with them, which was laid back and cool fun. She had her hand on my knee while we were chatting there. It was nice – and she’s not flirty and touchy with everyone like i am. We all crashed out at Erin’s. (No, nothing happened.) Well, i did sleep in her bed, we spooned – yummy cuddling. And this morning we watched tv in our pjs, got some lunch, and she took me home.

Or maybe i should actually tell you about her. But i’m not quite sure what to say – she’s not a type of person i’ve ever really hung out with before. The interesting thing about that is it’s simultaneously discomfiting and intriguing. That is, often the things she talks about i hardly even have a frame of reference for…i just don’t get it (and, to the extent i can say, i think she thinks the same of me). But i love learning things – things i don’t know absolutely fascinate me. She’s a bit country, she’s a jock (and she plays the cool sports), she’s a car person (and she has pictures of some sexy cars, and a bike, she’s had or restored). She’s settled – has a house and a real job and is kind of past her partying (but she has some damn good stories). And she’s simply…normal. And, well, i don’t get any of it. Which is not to say it’s not good…

Then, we talk politics and queer theory, and she’s into music, she cracks me up, and the first thing she did in my apartment was vet my books. And she’s cute. But i think she’s cuter now than i did a week ago. I do that sometimes, where my opinion of someone actually affects what i think of them visually. It seems odd to me – not that it happens, but that being aware of it doesn’t ruin the effect. She’s cute in an i don’t give a fuck, sweatshirt and jeans dyke way (as compared to the metro-dyke thing that i go for so often). And she’s cuddly, like a teddy bear (Aside: i’ve never done anything with someone with long hair before, and i like nuzzling my face into it.)

And i’m confused. Not directly because of any of that, that’s background info. Not because of her, not directly anyhow. I’m just confusing myself. I don’t want a relationship, except for how i do just a little bit, except that even if i do i can’t much see one working with her. I’d generally rather just fuck around (if i were better at it), but not with her, and even if i did i know for sure she’s not that sort (or maybe it’s knowing that that makes me not want to bother…sometimes it’s hard to sort coincidence from causality, even in myself). Thinking it’s not really a good idea hasn’t much stopped me trying. I don’t have the foggiest where she stands, either. Because, for one thing, i am not used to things moving slowly (as in, it’s never happened to me). And maybe they are moving slowly because they aren’t actually going anywhere (which, by the way, is fine, because she’s cool, and i’m not just looking to get laid ;). But…seems like they’re just slow – and i’ve no precedent.

Overall, i’m not worrying about it. Even so, i can’t get these thoughts out of my head. Writing them down usually helps to clarify them, which helps in setting them aside, or at least in reducing their pitch. So i’m pretty much just going with the flow, even as regards my own actions.

Lady Brett
“You Turn Me On” – Tim McGraw

One Comment leave one →
  1. February 17, 2008 8:16 pm

    looks like you may have found someone fun to date (and maybe get some hot sex0rs in the process), and then you can see where it goes from there.

    Good luck!

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