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“’cause i’ve been loving you a long, long time”

November 21, 2007

Giving thanks?  Yeah, thank god it’s thanksgiving.  I get to go home, see my family and chill.  Mind, by chill i don’t mean sit on my ass and do nothing – i just mean that i’ve been running and stressed recently, and i can leave that shit behind.  There’s always a lot to do when i go home, but it’s the good kind of work, the stuff i don’t get to do at…home (my home, here – that gets confusing).  I’m getting home in time to help my dad out with thanksgiving dinner.  Which would be fun anyway, but is doubly so since i’ve cooked exactly once – like, on a stove – all month.  (On that note, i finally got all the gas company shit worked out – it’ll be on next week!)  I’ll probably help with finishing the porch roof – or, that may be done, i think Dad said the current project is setting up a proper office where the comp is.  Maybe some staying up to the wee hours drinking and talking about music and woman problems with my bro.

You know, some good male bonding.  Before i continue on that note, don’t get me wrong, that i’m not also excited about seeing my mom.  It’s just different.  For one thing, me and my mom talk on the phone fairly regularly, whereas phone conversations between me and my dad are along the “Hi. Still alive? Love you.” lines (that or very practical, like if i have a specific question).  And so seeing her in person is cool, but not as totally different.  And, really, while i love my mother, i am a daddy’s girl.  But this all goes back to what i was thinking before, which is that i am not androgynous as in halfway between masculine and feminine (anymore), but, rather, i am distinctly both.  That is, i have always identified totally as a girl.  Even when i was a hardcore little tomboy, i never wanted to be a boy (though i can remember wishing other people didn’t care so much about that stuff).  And now i present myself as feminine (more or less, depending, but always feminine…well, except in drag…).

In my gender sociology class in college, we were reading about gender and friendships.  The very basics of it goes like this: men tend to do stuff with their best friends, women tend to talk to theirs, and when men and women are good friends the guy tends to find it especially fulfilling because he’s found someone he can talk to, kind of an outlet.  I don’t exactly remember the girl perspective on male/female friendship – it’s been a while (i still have that book though).  And i noticed that i am such a boy.  That is, my friendships have primarily been of the doing shit together sort.  This is especially true with my guy friends, but also with a number of my female friends.  I am not especially emotionally open with the people i know, but i have/have had certain female friends (some of my best friends) who were the prying sort, and who i would talk to about, well, whatever they wanted.  It is kind of implied that the masculine type of friendship isn’t as close of a relationship, which i absolutely don’t think is true (having, at least kind of, both perspectives).  It’s kind of like women try to be close, to get to know each other – that you want to know what’s going on in the other person’s life/mind.  But there is a point where you just can’t help but know someone well if you just spend time together and let it happen.  I’m not sure if that entirely makes sense – the last bit here only just occurred to me, but i feel the need to defend it.

There is a wonderful comic in the book i was referring to (i wish i had a computer copy).  It goes something like this: One half is two women sitting talking over coffee, one says, “i’m afraid things aren’t going well with me and Dan.”  Subtitle, “15 minutes, two coffees: $6.35”  The other half is two guys at a bar, first three panels are them talking about football, the fourth panel one says “i thing somethin’s up wif me’n Jane.”  Subtitle: “four hours, three pitchers of beer: $24”  And that?  That’s me.  That’s, especially, one of the things me and my brother do on rare occations that we get to hang out for a while (that and have a ton of fun, of course, but it is, oddly, one of the reasons we are so close…in a strange sort of way).

Oh, but i was going to go into some other aspects of this.  I’m not just a boy.  When it comes to romance, i am such a girl.  I’ve talked about that, though.  I also interact with the world in general as feminine.  I think that is directly related to presenting feminine, because it is very difficult (impossible?) to separate how you present yourself from your interaction with the world in general.  But, sometimes, in certain new situations or with certain new people, i play up the masculine aspect to counteract the feminine presentation.  It just depends.

Lalala…right, i was just going to post to say Yay, i’m going home!  I get to see my fambly, who i love, and do things that are fun, and not think about things that i don’t want to ’till next week.  I got distracted.  But, happy turkey day y’all (or, as a friend said, Happy “should have let those bastards starve” day).

Oh, and the other cool thing about visiting home is that i can wear my mom’s clothes, so i just have to pack underwear and a toothbrush (and book and music, of course, but i usually bring those whenever i leave the house =) – it really simplifies the whole travel process.

Lady Brett
“It’s Gonna Take a Little Bit Longer” – Charley Pride

One Comment leave one →
  1. November 24, 2007 3:11 am

    I was a daddy’s girl when I had him around. Sometimes it’s like my mother and I speak different languages. You’re lucky to have them around.

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