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“don’t you abuse it”

October 30, 2007

Athena* called me on friday while i was walking from work to the halloween party, which was a pleasant surprise.  She is actually the person that i have kept up with the most since graduation – immediate family excluded.  Most of our conversation hinged around gender issues, which we had started discussing in letters before (also random “what’s up with you?” stuff, of course).  I, by the way, love letters.  Good letters, that is – i used to hate letters, when we were young and letters were laundry lists of what was happening.  I love getting mail, for one thing.  But also, there is something very different about written communication – you can read a letter over again, and you can take some time to respond in depth.  Plus, i really enjoy sitting and writing them out by hand – not something i do often at all.

Anyhow, we had a lovely and interesting conversation – in which i walked at random around a few blocks for 30 minutes because i got where i was going, but didn’t want to cut it off to go in.  At some point i’d like to collect my thoughts here on what me and her have discussed.  But in the midst of the conversation, i mentioned some of the things and the interesting discussions that have come up on a number of the blogs i read.  She said she’d be interested in checking them out.  I said i might send her the info.  Because i’m not sure if i’m comfortable with that – if i point her toward any of the blogs i read (and comment on), i pretty well have to assume she’ll find and recognize this one.

And, well, this is my anonymous blog.  But i would love to see her perspective on some of the discussions.  And she is one of the two people that i feel i can be most open and honest with.  (The other, Pan, i feel to be the least judgemental person i’ve ever met, which is comforting.)  On the other hand, Athena wouldn’t reserve judgement, but i think that she would tell me exactly what she thought and why, and let me respond and discuss.  That’s just as good by me (maybe better, if more complicated).  That doesn’t mean i’m comfortable with being that open.  I am perhaps most concerned that i might unconciously edit myself if i know that someone i know (outside of here) might be reading.  Well, there’s also the Sugarbutch star story…not sure how i feel about having that out in the open, so to speak.  But i do feel that this place would still be “safe,” that is, she’s not going to tell folks or anything – and she’s in a fairly separate circle right now anyhow.  Last, of course, is the fact that simply by having this up, i am kind of running the risk of someone i know running across it, however unlikely that is.  Maybe if i can deal with that idea, i shouldn’t be so concerned, but it seems rather different.

Lady Brett
“Let Me Down Easy” – Little Milton

*i said before that i was considering naming all my friends after greek mythology.  This has clearly not been the case with a number of people mentioned on here.  But my “old friends” – people i knew before i moved here – will continue to be mythological characters.  One, because i know them well enough to assign them a fitting name, which is not true of most of my new friends.  Two, because i’m a terrible correspondent, so most of them are much more memories and fictional characters than real people to me by now (but i’m kind of joking).

One Comment leave one →
  1. October 31, 2007 9:59 am

    good point. We need to get better resource lists of what therapists are trans friendly, and train physchologists better, certainly.

    Cisgender is a term for people, like me, who are born with the sex and body matching. I was assigned the natal sex of female, and my gender is of a woman, so I am cisgender, not transgender :) Does that help?

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