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“You’re going away to med school, and i’m going out of my mind”

May 3, 2007

I followed my girlfriend out here.  I had just graduated, had no plans, was not going to live at my folks, and was just about broken by the long-distance relationship thing.  So i moved to her.  We got shitty jobs, a place, a dog, a cat.  Now we have slightly better jobs, and the same all that other stuff.  It’s pretty awesome.

But i’m so scared i’m going to be following her around forever (or, for a while).  In some respects it seems reasonable.  She’s in grad school, has aspirations, plans, if tentetive ones, qualifications (soon); i…have never done anything that i want to keep doing for long, so i’m not attached to anything.

As it stands right now the most stable part of my life is my relationship (and to be fair, there is family, but family is a background sort of stability, not an everyday sort).  I have other components of life half-grown now: friends i like, but am not actually close to; groups i’m part of, but not fascinated with; a job i like, but don’t want to keep for a long time, et cetera.

So when she talks about going to another school for her PhD i panic.  Right now, she’s just contemplating, not making any real decisions.  But i panic.  Because she would move without me if i didn’t want to.  She likes me, that’s not the question, but her plans are more stable than us (and sometimes she would rather she didn’t have to spend time on me).  Because if i went with her, she would be the only thing i had again, but she would have her work.  Because if i didn’t go, i’d be stranded in a (semi)strange place without my support.

(Sometimes i think that if i were single i’d pretty much have to stay here ’cause i couldn’t afford to live anywhere else =)

Lady Brett
“Vivian” – Nerf Herder

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