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“I’ve been awake for 8 days straight”

March 30, 2007

I think i had a panic attack of some form last night. 

I haven’t been sleeping well lately.  Wednesday night Jake was up late working, and i didn’t sleep well until she went to bed.  Thursday night i was so fucking tired, but we got caught talking to our neighbors till about midnight, so i didn’t really get enough sleep again.  So all day yesterday i was pretty disfunctional because i was so tired.

We decided to go to bed really early last night because i could barely keep my eyes open.  It was about 8 when we went to bed.  We stayed up talking for a little while until Jake couldn’t stay awake anymore, but i had mysteriously (and unfortunately) woken up (though i didn’t feel really like i could do anything useful still).  I puttered around the kitchen briefly and went back to bed, figuring that if i laid down i’d remember how tired i was.

It didn’t work.  I kept feeling more awake instead.  I started shaking, and i couldn’t close my eyes – or it took a lot of effort and when i did my shaking got worse.  My mind was racing and i couldn’t get it to settle on anything, and i started crying, but not really crying, just tears.  I hadn’t wanted to wake my baby up ’cause she gets pissy when she’s woken and i figured it would go away.  But i got so scared, and she’s a nurse’s kid and good at fixing things, so i did.

And she did fix things.  I don’t really know how.  She brought me vitamins.  I suppose she just calmed me down by being there and doing something.  It took a minute, but i chilled out, and it was such a sharp drop that i just cried for a few minutes.  Then she brought me a drink to put me to sleep – i was so tired after that anyway.

But as it turned out i was still keyed up – my heart and my mind were still racing, and i didn’t get to sleep for three more hours, after which i slept rather fitfully.  On the bright side i don’t think i ever quite calmed down, so i wasn’t tired when i woke up this morning.  It’ll catch up with me, though.

Lady Brett
“Pills I Took” – Hank III

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